Monday, January 28, 2008

Florida Swamp Monsters Season Preview

In season 1 of their eventual dominance, here's what the LeppyKahn era in Florida

C - "Fumin" Kent Hume - With his great arm, "The Fume" is known to be one of the best defensive catchers in baseball.

1B - Vicente "The Murderer" Mercado - Known for his ability to swat the ball wherever it needs to go, the Murderer is known for his keen ball-hitting prowess.

2B - Nipsey "Is it cold in here" Peterson - He is known for his streakiness, an average player in every regard.

SS - Terry "Tender" Torres - Has a weak spot in his heart... and every other place on his body. But, he sure can hit, both the DL and the ball.

3B - Enrique "Lover" Lopez - Known for doing everything similarly well... Except for putting on the condom. Alleged to be the offspring of Jennifer and Mr Iglesias.

LF - Jumbo "Rabid" Matos - He gets worked up into a fury when you discuss his simple inability to hit a longball. He is pretty solid on the basepaths though.

CF - Jose "Jo Bent" Bennett - Speeding around the basepaths, he is known for the motion that someone does when watching something moving at a high rate of speed past them. Lesser cameramen have died.

RF - Juan "Too Tree Fo" Gandarillas - Another speedster, we likes him.

The Pitching...

Ace - Karim "Of Wheat" Iglesias - His line of commercials imitating the "Tastes Great, Less Filling" commercials has fans responding to every mention of his name with "Of Wheat."

Numma 2 - Bobby Ray "Apes of" Rath - Known for his ability to throw the sinker, right off the catcher's head.

Captain Closer - Joe "3 Wives" Smith - Known for founding a religion that is friendly towards a harum. Revolutionized religious marketing with a requirement that everyone wear special undergarments to be allowed into the religion.

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